Interview With A Psychopath: Blackwater Founder Erik Prince (satire)

Interview With A Psychopath: Blackwater Founder Erik Prince (satire)

2 days ago

steeminganarchy63 in fiction

Join us this week as we take a deep plunge into the dark depths of Blackwater founder Erik Prince’s deviant work.

Image courtesy of Wikipedia

Boot-licking male reporter (licking lips and wiping sweat off forehead):  Welcome, slaves and slavettes, to another edition of Interview With A Psychopath.  I’ve literally been salivating over the opportunity to interview this impressive middle aged psychopath for some time, a ruthless soldier of fortune, the one and only, Erik Prince.  Erik, thanks so much for speaking with us today.  I admire you almost to the point of orgasm.

Erik Prince (smug):  You’re not the first, that’s for sure.  The ladies sure do love me, that’s why I have seven legitimate children, and Satan knows how many bastards.

Bootlicker:  Erik, you’ve done so many admirable and cold-blooded things in your career so far.  Was there any influence from your youth that really stands out as a turning point in your mind?

Erik Prince (gruff and unenthused look on face):  I remember very distinctly touring Europe with my father.  We were in Berlin before the wall fell.  It was a study in contrast and it really sunk it at that point how great it would be to control people violently, divide and conquer them, loot them, and make their pain my gain.  It was inspirational.

Bootlicker (smiling admirably):  Indeed, I couldn’t agree more.  Just a few short years after that experience you became a proud member of an elite murder squad known as The Navy Seals.  You played an integral role in the Yugoslav wars in the early 90s.  What stands out in your mind about that particular time in your life?

Erik Prince (fond look of nostalgia on face):  Without question, the most important lesson I learned there was about the intricate nature of human and sex slave trafficking.  It really opened my eyes to a whole new world of vice and profits at the expense of innocent war victims.

Bootlicker (grinning malevolently):  Oh, yes, that must have been quite the experience.  I, too, enjoy a good sex slave every now and then.

Erik Prince:  Who doesn’t?

Bootlicker:  Losers don’t, that’s who! (gives high five to Prince) While on the subject of sex slavery, I’m sure our audience would love to know what you think of Muslim women.  Were they good in bed?

Erik Prince:  Well, yes and no.  There is a lot of upside to them, but a real black mark is when they’re about to climax and they scream “oh, Allah!”.  The first time that happened, I grabbed my pistol and blew off her head.  Word got out real quick that none of that Allah shit would be tolerated when bangin uglies with me.

Bootlicker:  Now I’d like to move on to what you’re best known for, your glorious work in the name of Satan at Blackwater.  What inspired you to create that dark mercenary army of plunder and human sacrifice?

Erik Prince:  I’d have to say that what really inspired me to start Blackwater was the Rwandan genocide.  I knew that as good as the U.S. military was at wanton slaughter, torture, and intimidation, that it was just stretched too thin to keep up with oligarch demand for human sacrifice.  So I thought, why not start a private company that could get the job done and charge outrageous sums of money?

Bootlicker (breathing heavily with starry eyes):  A masterful stroke of genius by such a venerable dark lord.

Erik Prince (holding out hand):  Kiss the ring. (Bootlicker bends over and kisses ring)
Bootlicker:  However, there have been some who have criticized Blackwater in the past, for instance, when it came to light that drug fueled all-night parties with hookers and random machine gunning were all too common, especially in the Middle East.  Can you comment on that?
Erik Prince:  You have to understand a couple of things here.  What do you expect when you give a bunch of pumped up steroid-heads a license to kill and piles of cash? And then throw in the relentless heat in places like Iraq, which makes partying during the cool of night all the more tempting.  I see no reason not to blow off some steam with hard drugs, whores, and machine gunning.

Bootlicker:  At the taxpayer’s expense?

Erik Prince:  Exactly, that’s the beauty of it! The slaves pay for it all!

Bootlicker:  I’m so jealous of you.  Can I come to one of your parties?

Erik Prince:  You wouldn’t survive.

Bootlicker (sighs):  You’re right, I’m a twerp. (pauses) So now about the present.  You are currently the head of a private equity firm called Frontier Resource Group.  You are also chairman of Frontier Services Group.  Please tell us about these exciting ventures so we can have more reasons to worship you.

Erik Prince:  After so many years profiting from murdering to protect other global investors, I decided it was time to get a bigger piece of the plundering pie for myself, so I got into private equity.  We have a lot of interests in Africa.  We’re real excited about our prospects there to liberate the natural resources from the locals any way that we can.

Bootlicker (blushing):  Wow, you’re just so amazing.  I’d like to ask you now about your sister, Betsy DeVos, who was recently appointed by President Trump as Secretary Of Education.  Your thoughts, please, on this proud moment.

Erik Prince:  Indeed, it’s a great moment, not just for her and our family, but for the world as well.  I’ve been at the forefront of physical dominance for the global mafia that runs the planet for decades, and now my sister has the privilege of playing a key role in the psychological dominance used to control a slave plantation of seven billion people.

Bootlicker:  Yes, it’s not easy manipulating the minds of the masses twenty-four-seven, but it’s necessary.  I play my humble role as well.   One last important probe into that devilish mind of yours, if I may.  You recently said in an interview on Breitbart News that a new Phoenix Program was necessary in the USA.  Could you elaborate?

Erik Prince (salivating):  I’d be more than happy to.  The war on terror needs to go to the next level, not only for tighter control over the slaves, but also to enrich war profiteers like myself.  I propose that we have a Phoenix-like counter-terrorism program in the US.  What this would entail would be hard core suppression of anyone we deem to be a threat.  We can hunt people down, torture them, and murder them on the spot, no questions asked.  We do that in other countries, so why not the US? America will never be safe until mercenary paramilitary units are allowed to operate without restraint on US soil.

Bootlicker (claps slowly):  A rousing speech, from an aroused man.  Mr. Prince, it’s been my pleasure to speak with you.  I’ll see you at your party tonight?

Erik Prince (standing up and peering down at Bootlicker):  You’re not invited.

Bootlicker (on hands and knees):  Please, I’ll do anything!

Erik Prince (smirks malevolently):  Anything?

Tune in again next week for another thrilling episode of Interview With A Psychopath

Learn about Erik Prince @


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